


The Indestructible Idiot

by charmingStrangeness



Series: Sakamoto Week 2017 [2]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Gen, Past Injuries, Scars, War Stories, sakamoto week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 11:12:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11251941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmingStrangeness/pseuds/charmingStrangeness
Summary: In which Mutsu asks Sakamoto about his time in the war(or, four times Sakamoto narrowly escaped a debilitating injury on the battlefield, and the one time he didn’t)Written forSakamoto Week 2017Day 2 - Scar





	The Indestructible Idiot

Sakamoto’s first order of business after acquiring the fleet from the Chidori slave traders was to inspect each ship thoroughly in order to have a solid understanding of their inner workings and individual, unique traits. This, naturally, meant spending an excess of time in tight spaces in the engine rooms, where accidents were bound to happen eventually. The only surprising thing about the incident was that it took so long to happen at all – it was aboard the Kairinmaru, whose inspection Sakamoto had saved for last, that the idiot captain of the Kaientai spilled a rather enormous quantity of engine oil down the front of his shirt.

Mutsu’s initial reaction had been shock, followed by concern and mild panic, but of course Sakamoto had just burst into laughter and pulled off the shirt as if he’d only spilt water, or something equally benign that wouldn’t destroy clothing upon contact. He was far too easygoing for a captain, and Mutsu wasn’t sure if she’d ever get used to it – who the hell would just laugh off ruining a perfectly good shirt like that? Her former commander with the 2nd division of the Chidori certainly would not have. 

(Just one more reason, she supposed, that escaping with Sakamoto Tatsuma was not something she’d regret.)

The novelty of having a captain who didn’t seem to care about his own clumsiness quickly slid into the background of Mutsu’s mind, however, once her eyes landed on said idiot captain a second time only to notice a long scar running down his shoulder blade. And that wasn’t the only one; she could easily pick out multiple scars criss-crossing his back, although most were pretty faint. 

“Ahahaha! Whatcha staring at there, vice-captain? Admiring the goods?” 

Mutsu felt her face heat up; Sakamoto sounded like he was just joking around, but she didn’t know him well enough yet to tell if that was the case.

“Shut up, you pervert. I was just wondering where you got those scars, that’s all.” 

Sakamoto’s eyes widened in surprise. “Ah, I guess I never mentioned, did I? I fought in the Joui war. Actually,” he continued sheepishly, “I was one of the four generals of the rebel army.” He followed up the statement with his trademark laugh, as though nothing he’d just said was remotely out of the ordinary.

Mutsu gaped. She could hardly imagine the cackling idiot standing before her as a soldier, much less one of the infamous Joui Elite Four. Sakamoto caught her eye and grinned wryly. “I see that look on your face, Vice-Captain. Don’t worry, it’s hard for me to believe sometimes too.” 

“You must have a lot of interesting stories, then,” she mused quietly. 

Sakamoto laughed at that (same as he laughed at everything). “Oh, you bet I do. Want to hear some?” 

Mutsu nodded. “Where’d you get that scar on your shoulder blade?” 

“Oh that? Well, that one’s not too exciting, in my opinion. I was out on a scouting mission in the woods and got attacked from behind.” 

“That’s unfortunate… Must have been pretty bad if it scarred like that.” 

“Oh, you think that’s bad? You should’ve seen the other guy!” A sly grin spread across Sakamoto’s face. “He thought he’d taken me down, but the Dragon of Katsurahama doesn’t go down so easily! I was with two other soldiers, against about a dozen attackers. None of them left that forest alive, ahahaha!” 

He was laughing, but the usual glint of happiness was missing from his eyes. Mutsu felt a brief squeeze on her heart – he may have been a talented fighter, but it was fairly obvious that Sakamoto Tatsuma hadn’t been created for slaughter.

“This one’s interesting,” Sakamoto said, pointing at a faint mark on his stomach and interrupting Mutsu’s train of thought. “Well, it is to me, at any rate. This was the first time I was shot by an Amanto gun.” 

“And what makes that particular interesting?” Mutsu asked wryly.

“Well, I’d never seen one before, so of course it was interesting! The other guys would rag on me for it every so often, but I was always fascinated with Amanto technology. Still am, obviously.” 

“What was wrong with liking Amanto technology?” 

“The fact that it was from the Amanto, obviously! Besides,” here, Sakamoto’s face grew slightly serious for once— “it’s difficult, watching your comrades get taken down by all those crazy high tech things. I can’t even count the number of men we lost to bullet wounds like this one.” 

“So then how did you survive it?” 

A puzzled look crossed Sakamoto’s face. “Honestly? I’m not entirely sure. I think I got lucky and the bullet just missed all the important things. I never saw the shooter, but I bet they were surprised when I just kept fighting instead of going down like everyone else!” 

Mutsu shook her head. “You know, I was wondering how anyone could survive after being dumped in the ocean like how we found you, but you’re one resilient idiot, aren’t you?” 

“Ahahahaha! You won’t find an idiot more resilient than me in this world!” 

Mutsu rolled her eyes, then glanced over Sakamoto’s body for another potential story. “What about that one?” She pointed at a long slash crossing his chest diagonally. 

“Ahhh, now there’s a good story!” Sakamoto chuckled. “That’s from one of the times Kintoki and Bakasugi insisted on launching a surprise attack on the enemy camp, the two reckless idiots.” (Mutsu briefly wondered what kind of person could be called a reckless idiot by Sakamoto Tatsuma, king of the reckless idiots himself.) “It was a camp of Bakufu officials, and also the first humans we’d fought in a while at that point, which was a nice change of pace. Amanto weapons are fascinating and all, but they’re a bitch to fight against. Also, samurai battles are pretty fun ‘cause they usually end up as a bunch of one-on-one duels, since it wouldn’t be honourable to gang up on someone. And if you see a pair of guys duelling, you don’t interrupt them, because that would hurt their pride.” Sakamoto’s smile was infused with nostalgia. “No weird guns, no beam sabers, just men and their swords. Now that was a fight worth remembering.” 

“So let me guess,” Mutsu interrupted, “you got that big slash in a one-on-one duel?” 

“You bet! It was a pretty fierce battle; we even had a bit of a crowd starting to watch us. Partially because our swordsmanship was pretty top-notch, but probably mostly because it was a a general of the Joui forces against a general of the opposing army.” 

“Must have been embarrassing to lose to an opposing general.” 

“Hey now, who are you calling a loser? Just because he managed to get a good hit across my chest doesn’t mean he won! I’ll have you know I took him down in retaliation right after he got me. He’s the one who would’ve been embarrassed, if he was still alive.” 

Mutsu smiled fondly. “What are you, indestructible or something?” 

“A general getting back up and fighting after getting badly wounded does wonders for your army’s morale, you know. And if you think I’m indestructible, you should’ve seen the other three! Especially Gintoki. There’s a reason they called that guy a demon, ahaha!” There was a faraway look in Sakamoto’s eyes, and Mutsu couldn’t tell if his laughter was nostalgic or hollow. She opted to not think about it further, and chose another scar to ask about instead.

“What about… that one? Just above your eyebrow. Is that a good story?” 

“Oh, that one? That one’s the best story of them all!” 

Automatically, Mutsu leaned forward in anticipation. “Really? What happened?” 

Sakamoto smiled knowingly. “It was the height of the Joui war. We’d managed to pull off a pretty major victory that gained us some ground, which included a nice little temple that made a great camp and lookout. That evening, there was a huge party! We ate and drank to our hearts’ content. It was the first time in ages that we’d felt happy.

“I was up on the roof stargazing with the other three. We didn’t often get a chance to do that kind of thing, so it was nice when we could just sit together and relax as a group. The temple was up on a hill, too, so you could see everything around for ages! We could see the battlefield we’d fought on earlier that day, and even the enemy camps waaaay off in the distance. Mostly we were staring up at the stars, though, and I was teaching the guys the names of constellations. But then at one point, Gintoki pointed off towards the enemy camp said he thought he saw movement.” 

A shiver ran up Mutsu’s spine. “Movement?” 

Sakamoto nodded. “That’s what he said he saw. I couldn’t see it, though. We walked right up to the edge of the roof, and I tried so hard to see what that guy was seeing. And then…” Sakamoto trailed off gravely.

“Hey, what happened?? What did you see??” Mutsu demanded. “Did the enemy launch a surprise attack in the middle of your celebration?? Were they right there outside the temple walls?” 

“No… Kintoki…” Sakamoto’s face suddenly split into a wide grin that could have lit up the entire Kairinmaru on a dark night. “…pushed me off the roof, that drunken bastard! Ahahahahahaha!!” 

Mutsu _groaned._ So these were the men who led the rebellion on Earth, then. _What an absolute troupe of dumbasses._

“I got the scar because there was a tree right where he pushed me off.” Sakamoto continued. “One of the branches got me good in the forehead. They made fun of me for weeks! Called me ‘tree branch brain’ for a bit. Buuut, joke’s on Kintoki in the end, because other than that cut I was totally fine! Fell off a roof and walked away with only a single scratch, ahaha!!” 

“I’ve heard it said that fools don’t catch colds,” Mutsu said dryly, “but I didn’t know that that saying extended to debilitating injuries, too. Have you ever once been put out of action, or are you completely unstoppable?” 

Sakamoto’s laughter died down, and he smiled sadly. “Well… Not completely unstoppable.” 

Mutsu winced. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—” 

“It’s fine, it’s fine! Here,” he held up his right hand, and Mutsu stifled a gasp – the scar was huge and ragged, starting at the base of his fingers on his palm and running halfway up his forearm. It was a pinkish colour that stood out against his tan skin, signalling that it was much more recent than the other scars adorning his body. “This one isn’t such a happy story, but then again, neither is any story that comes out of the end days of the war. Would you like to hear it?” 

Mutsu nodded tentatively, and the captain gave her a reassuring smile.

“Like I said, it was nearing the end of the war. At that point, most of the battles we fought were losing ones. It didn’t help that the Amanto were starting to pull out all the stops in order to take us down. No human could fight against some of the things they were doing – it was all we could do just to survive.

“It happened during one of those losing battles. The Joui army made the decision to retreat – heh, made the decision… It would be more accurate to say we were forced to retreat, probably. Some pretty strong Amanto had shown up, and they were clearing out the battlefield. So I started to head back only… There was a man down. I recognized him – I’d passed by him a while earlier, duelling one of my men before the Amanto rolled in. He was still alive, but badly wounded, so I helped him up.” 

Mutsu’s eyes widened. “You mean… you helped an enemy?” 

“Everything had gone to shit, at that point. In my eyes, he wasn’t an enemy, but a fellow human who was in trouble.” Sakamoto’s eyes softened. “I was always more of a pacifist, after all.” 

“So then… what happened?” 

“An Amanto with one of those fancy beam swords happened. The soldier I was carrying didn’t make it, and I only barely managed to escape with my life.” He flexed his hand, and Mutsu could see the sadness in his eyes. “Although some might say the injury to my sword hand is equivalent to the end of my life as a samurai.” 

“Captain…” 

“I was taken off the front lines, after that. I’d hoped that maybe I’d be able to fight again once my hand healed up, but I can’t really handle a sword the way I used to. Besides, by the time I healed, the war was practically over, and the rest of the Joui leaders had disbanded.” Sakamoto frowned, there. “I still don’t know why, though. I managed to find Gintoki, and he said they split up because the war was lost, but knowing them… I can’t see them giving up that easily, unless something major happened.” He stared at the ground for a moment, lost in though, then shook his head. His entire expression brightened. “Ah, that’s not the point, though. The point is, I actually did get an injury bad enough to send me off the front lines, once. Hahaha!” 

“You say that like it’s something to be proud of.” Mutsu’s comment lacked bite; she could still hear the hollowness echoing in that laugh. “Do you… do you miss being able to use a sword?” 

“Hmm… It was definitely tough at first. But like I said, I’m a pacifist. At the end of the day, swords ain’t my style. Besides,” and there, finally, a genuine smile touched his lips— “a good friend once told me, there’s more to being a samurai than swinging a sword.” 

“What, like getting drunk and pushing your friends off the roof?” 

“Ahaha! Exactly like that! Ahahaha!” 

Even Mutsu allowed herself a small chuckle at that. 

“But tell me, little miss Vice-Captain. What about you? Do you have any stories to share?” 

“Stories about me??” 

“Of course! We’re traders, ya know. I told you a bit of my backstory, so now it’s your turn to tell me some of yours.” Sakamoto grinned.

Mutsu felt her face flush. “Put on a shirt first, and then we’ll talk!” 

“Ahahahaha! It’s a deal!” 

And so, Sakamoto’s wandered off to find some clean clothes, and his laughter echoed through the halls of the ship as he went.

**Author's Note:**

> if sakamoto uses gintoki's name but gintoki isn't around to hear it, does he still call him kintoki? i settled on using the rule of thumb that "kintoki" is for teasing/goofing around and "gintoki" is for being serious, so if you noticed that both names were used, that was why, it wasn't a mistake i promise hahaha
> 
> as always, questions and comments can be left below or directed to my writing tumblr @ [charmingstrangeness](http://charmingstrangeness.tumblr.com)
> 
> see you tomorrow for day 3 ;)


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